The National Hockey League has encountered its share of societal changes. Unlike some other sports leagues, such as the NFL, NASCAR, and the NBA, the NHL values the sentiments of its fan base.
Following a challenging inaugural attempt at hosting “pride nights” last season, the league has decided to cancel such events for the upcoming year.
“It doesn’t make sense to organize an event that doesn’t resonate with our traditional hockey audience,” stated League Commissioner Joe Barron. “We experienced empty seats and a couple of altercations. It was simply a disaster.”
The altercations notably involved the event coordinator, Satana Holliday, and Toronto Maple Leaf fan Lisa Pais. “It became evident that these two worlds just weren’t meant to collide,” Barron remarked.
According to witnesses, Pais and Holliday clashed when Pais tossed a snowcone at Holliday, commenting on her “cunty hat.” Holliday’s hat was, by all accounts, excessively large. In retaliation, she assaulted a passing hot dog vendor trying to do his job.
“Suck on these, whore,” Holliday exclaimed as she flung hot wieners at Pais. “Is that all you got, you sweaty skank?” Pais retorted, mouth full of assorted meat products. The argument persisted throughout most of the second period.
And that was the scene on Pride Night, a truly unprecedented occurrence.