Move over, Taylor Swift, because Oliver Anthony is making waves in the music scene. Anthony’s latest impromptu concert, announced just a day prior, shattered attendance records previously held by Taylor Swift’s acclaimed “Eras Tour.”
“It was a spectacle,” exclaimed concert promoter Joe Barron. “We transitioned from Ted Nugent and the Chili Cookoff on Saturday to nearly a million attendees flooding the fairgrounds on Sunday. Ted was thrilled to be part of it, albeit slightly taken aback.”
“I owe a huge thanks to Ted Nugent,” Anthony addressed the crowd. “Without his endorsement, none of you would have had the chance to sample his award-winning canned whitetail chili.” Anthony followed with a prayer, a passage from Ezekiel 7, and performed both of his songs.
Unprepared for the logistical challenge of dispersing such a massive crowd, local authorities fear some attendees may be stranded at the heart of the event for weeks, even months. “With the onset of winter,” remarked ALLOD Journalisticator Tara Newhole, “They might need to resort to airdropping supplies to these stranded individuals.”
Newhole observed that the sea of overalls rivaled the scene from Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Wuhan Flu” singalong with the rural crowd.
Amidst the chaos, Anthony has taken command, instituting martial law and halting food aid to those deemed capable of self-sufficiency, albeit on the brink of a potential dystopian scenario.
Our hopes and prayers are with those trapped, and we hope a few manage to escape to relay the tale to future generations. God Bless America.