The Kansas City Chiefs shocked fans with an unexpected announcement: they’ve opted against offering Travis Kelce a new contract.
“While we acknowledge Kelce’s contributions,” stated Vice President of Football Operations Joe Barron, “We must consider the broader impact. The relationship is tarnishing the fan experience, and they’re holding us responsible.”
According to Barron, the team and the city have incurred millions in additional expenses for security measures, fencing, and police overtime. “Dealing with a president is easier,” he remarked.
Team leadership, including Patrick Mahomes’ Spiritual Advisor Chuck, believes Kelce would find greater fulfillment with a team based in California or New York.
“Maybe try The Eagles,” suggested Chuck, “it’s a short trip to Taylor’s Manhattan penthouse and a slightly longer journey to participate in protests in our nation’s once-proud capital.”
Chuck expressed frustration, having placed bets on the Niners and various other wagers around town, all of which fell short. “It’s like a conspiracy,” he lamented to Caesar’s management, vowing to avoid future Super Bowls in the city.